I have been struggling lately with the calculus of responsibility and guilt. To what extent does nominal responsibility justify the assignment of blame? Just how closely does the responsibility curve hug the curve of accountability?
As a homeroom teacher (mechanech kittah), I often times feel like a magnet of responsibilities. Somehow, discussions of many different functions and obligations haphazardly bounce from whatsapp group to whatsapp group, until they come to a grinding halt somewhere within my purview.
"A student of yours had an emotional breakdown in the hallway - we need you to talk to her and her mother."
"One of your students is discussing self-harm with other kids - you need to sit with her in the counselor's office."
"A student from your class disrupted my history lesson - can you talk to him?"
"Just wanted to tell you that a I heard from the mother of a girl in your class that she decided to stop going to after-school activities. Can you keep an eye on her?"
"One of the boys is bullying my daughter. Can you teach her how to defend herself?"
Without a doubt, there are many expectations of a homeroom teacher in Israel. As a first year teacher, I am still determining the areas of overlap between my developing realistic expectations of myself and the static expectations of the system. I am building the robust internal honesty necessary to reach the point where I can say, "That which others expect of me, but that I do not expect of myself, shall not generate guilt". I can't mold every element of the minds and personalities of all of my students. I would never have expected that of myself, if someone else hadn't heavy-handedly planted that expectation in me.
Indeed, the agricultural metaphor here is particularly poignant. The soil in the soul of the nascent educator is perhaps too arable for its own good. Every planted expectation, be it an invasive species or not, immediately takes root, and sprouts additional offshoots and saplings. Before long, the soil of the soul is providing nutrients for an entire forest of expectations it never planned on supporting.
This is my greatest challenge: to take control of my spiritual garden, in the face of the endless demand to commandeer its space and resources. I wish myself success.
That is tough. I have found myself thinking alot wheater it worth it or not, sacrfising your life for children and the education field. I think when you overcome these struggles you become stronger and more confident with your abilities to help \ change situations for good.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing Uri :) You are already a great teacher!
Wow
ReplyDeleteWell written and well said
The metaphor is wonderful and very appropriate for the role of educator, I can understand why you chose it.
As a mom and teacher, I can very much identify with these feelings.
I think in our generation it is becoming more and more challenging to balance what society (parents and the system) expect us to do and what is right to be done, for the benefit of ourselves and for the benefit of our child or student. I find myself asking the same question? To what extent should I take responsibility for certain things and where should I put the limit?
From the things you have written, there is no doubt that you are a dedicated and caring teacher
Wishing you a lot of success